


Foolish

by abrosuna



Category: Metal Gear
Genre: M/M, This is not fluff but we all know they love each other anyway so, a bit of language
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-22
Updated: 2016-08-22
Packaged: 2018-08-10 09:52:39
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,188
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7840156
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/abrosuna/pseuds/abrosuna
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Post GZ, pre TTP.</p><p>Kaz is aware of his feelings, but he is not at peace with them.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Foolish

**Author's Note:**

> I should be working on other projects, but yesterday I had no ideas and yet felt like writing, so, yeah. This was born.  
> I didn't spend much time on it, so there might be (lots of) errors, I apologise.

It was almost wearying. Something as silly as a stupid crush in the situation they were in, with Snake in a coma, a base to run and expand, soldiers to train, missions to evaluate, decline, accept, carry out... It wasn't like him. Maybe it was something his old self would've indulged in, when he was younger and carefree, but now... Now, with all the responsibilities, with all the worries his mind was crowded with, he didn't have time for stuff like that. To be more precise, he simply didn't care, he couldn't see what was so special about it anymore. Bitterness was the only taste that was left to him – or at least this was what he was sure about until he realised that his heart suspiciously started fluttering when he was near that specific someone.

Who the person he had fallen for was, then... Ah, that was hilarious.

«No, Ocelot, I don't need your help.»

«Looking at you, it doesn't seem so.»

«Did you not hear what I just said? Get back to work.»

The commander had just come back from a mission, and, as he was getting off the chopper, two of his men were supporting him. His green clothing was visibly darker on his right side and on his left thigh, drenched in blood.

Ocelot had witnessed the scene from afar – he was going to meet his colleague to hear about the mission –, and he had immediately shouted to call for a gurney, hastening his pace.

«Why didn't you contact the base to say that you were injured?» he had asked, alarmed, as he had approached Miller.

«It's nothing,» had been the only, curt reply he had gotten.

One of the soldiers that were holding him had looked at the Instructor. «We tried to, but the commander—»

«I said it's nothing.»

Nobody had dared to utter a word then, as it was usual when commander Miller growled like that. Not even Ocelot had insisted, which wasn’t usual at all.

Later, in a room of the Medical Platform, Kaz was trying to sneak out of bed, and he would've succeeded if Ocelot hadn't decided to pay a visit right when he was sitting up, ready to pull the sheets away.

«I _am_ working.» The Russian's stare was fixed on Miller's eyes, firm and severe. «My job right now is to make sure that the commander of the Diamond Dogs rests properly so that he can recover as quickly as possible.»

«Bullshit,» Kaz spit out, looking back at him with rage.

Ocelot sighed, then he moved a few steps and sat on the edge of the bed.

«Hey, what do you think you're doing?» Kaz barked, instinctively backing off – as much as he could with his legs trapped under the heavy sheets and his side hurting whenever he moved. «I told you to leave me alone.»

He would've given anything for Ocelot to sit closer to him, but he wasn't allowed to admit that even to himself. It was just too stupid.

«Kaz.» Ocelot's eyes were on him again, but this time they were filled with worry. «Forcing yourself too much will only make the wounds take longer to heal, I thought you knew that yourself.»

Miller had to look away. He didn't want to let his foolish heart hope that Ocelot was actually worried because he cared about him, instead of being simply concerned about how long the commander wouldn't have been operative.

«I know that perfectly, thank you very much. Stop treating me like an idiot.»

«I'll stop it when you'll stop acting like one.»

«The hell did you just say?» He turned his head towards the Russian again, in no way willing to swallow the insult. It was so easy to dislike that pretentious and disrespectful man, that sometimes Kaz wondered how could he ever be attracted to him.

«You are an idiot, Miller.» Ocelot was being harsh again. He sounded like a father scolding his reckless son. «Refusing medical treatment and not taking care of your condition is the stupidest thing you could do.»

Ha. Truly hilarious. Ocelot talking about stupid things to do, when all the while Kaz was struggling and tormenting himself, torn by feelings and thoughts that he didn't understand, all because _Revolver Ocelot_ was sitting close to him. Now _that_ was stupid.

«The injuries have been treated. I'm fine.»

«What are you, a kid?» Ocelot raised his voice, startling Kaz – who nonetheless kept angrily staring back at him. «You have to rest, you're not fine at all.»

«But I—»

 «What are you trying to accomplish like this, huh? Playing the tough guy will get you nowhere. You're not on the battlefield anymore, you're back home.»

Was that – did he just say "home"?

«You can rest now, and you must do it. We all need you to do it.» His voice had slowly lowered down, becoming softer and softer until the last sentence sounded like a caress.

Kaz's forehead was relaxed, now. The idea of being back home with his men, his comrades, and, yes, with Ocelot, had brought him a sensation of safety which had calmed him down a little, making him forget that he was being lectured by the only person he hated being lectured by. Home, a place he had built - _they_ had built, together, a place he could always come back to when he left for business, a place where he could... yes, where he could rest, close to the people he cared about. It had such a nice sound, "home".

A few seconds of silence followed, broken hesitantly by the Russian. «Miller, I—»

«What, you're worried about me?» Kaz interrupted him, snorting a laugh.

He bit his tongue right afterwards: it had slipped out of his mouth only because he, being the fool he was, had dared to wish that it were true, even though he had repeatedly told himself not to even think about it, even though he knew that in no way...

«Yes. I am.»

Kaz couldn't stop himself from opening his eyes wide.

«Everyone here looks up to you and depends on you. You can't afford wasting yourself like this.»

Of course, _of course_ that was the reason. Stupid, stupid, stupid fool, how could he even have hoped...? Why did he let himself hope for something as stupid as that, in the first place? What an idiot, of course Ocelot was referring to the position he held among the Diamond Dogs, that was the point of the visit, that was the point of the whole conversation. _What an idiot._

«If you don't care enough about yourself, I guess I should do it for you.» A faint smile curved Ocelot's lips.

No, not this time. Kaz wouldn't have fallen for it a second time. He wanted to, he wanted to believe it so much it physically hurt, but he wouldn't have allowed himself.

«Because I'm the commander,» he muttered, turning his head aside.

A pause preceded the other man's reply. «Yeah.»

Kaz couldn't be sure, but from the sound of that one word he pictured that the smile had fallen off Ocelot’s face.


End file.
